Thread:Shado supreme/@comment-25600892-20180308232135/@comment-26059868-20180425164648

Thanks. Remember, I'm trying to help you improve by using all the information I've learned while trying to improve my own writing. If you ever want some extra (and probably better) advice, go to Youtube and watch "Terrible Writing Advice", "Trope Talk" and any video by Jenna Moreci (I don't think I spelled that right). Oh, Jenna's videos have some swearing, I think, so beware of that.

Back to your paragraph:

First of all it's a run-on sentence: You go from time, to space, to place, to person all in one sentence. You want to break it up into several sentences, each one taking some time to detail what it's talking about.

Do that, then post it here before you edit it into the story.