Thread:Shado supreme/@comment-25600892-20180308232135/@comment-26059868-20180425162606

Ok, what you have currently have is basically an outline with bits of dialogue. A picture in a coloring book, if you will; you've got the structure down, but theres no color, no substance.

Let's start at the top, with your opening paragraph:

The setting was a thousand years ago, in a galaxy light years away from ours, on a planet known as Cybertron, inhabited by shapeshifting robots, where a young bot named Orion Pax was standing on a cliff looking into the horizon, when a pink and white Femme named Ariel walked over to him.

Not a bad opening. So, how do we make it better? I can point out the problem areas if you need me to, but it would strengthen your own critical eye if you learn how to identify them.