Thread:Moose513/@comment-33744259-20190223142325/@comment-33744259-20190305235236

Alright then:

"And now, for our next guest," said Greg, "please greet Miss Luan Loud and her dummy, Mr. Coconuts!"

Everypony clapped their hooves as the aforementioned Loud sister came up on the stage with her ventriloquist's dummy, Mr. Coconuts.

"Hello, Canterlot," said Luan.

"Hi," said Mr. Coconuts.

"Say, Mr. Coconuts," said Luan, "I understand you wrote Santa a letter recently."

"Yup," said Mr. Coconuts, "I did it on the computer."

"Nice," said Luan, "Did you mail it to him?"

"Nope," said Mr. Coconuts.

"Why," asked Luan.

"My computer won't fit in the mailbox," said Mr. Coconuts, "Colonel Crackers was right, you are an idiot."

Everyone laughed.

"Well, I took the opportunity to print it off for you," said Luan, "Can you read it out loud?"

"Sure," said Mr. Coconuts.

Luan then got out a piece of paper and held it up to Mr. Coconuts, who cleared his throat."

"Dear Santa," Mr. Coconuts read, "Hi, it's me, Mr. Coconuts! Remember? I was the guy last Christmas who lit the fireplace just as you came down the chimney. Sorry about your suit and your butt. Next time, you should wear some fire resistant overalls. Red ones, specifically."

Luan was stunned at this.

"You lit Santa on fire," Luan asked.

"No," said Mr. Coconuts, "Stupid fireplace did!"

Everyone laughed again.

"What happened," Luan asked.

"Whoosh," said Mr. Coconuts, "He burst into flames like a Yule log dipped in lighter fluid!"

Everyone laughed again.

"Mr. Coconuts, that's awful," said Luan.

"I know," said Mr. Coconuts, "It was hard to hear Santa go from "Ho ho ho!" to "Ho ho hooooooly cow!"

Everyone laughed for the fourth time.

"Why didn't you call nine-one-one," asked Luan.

"My phone was dead," said Mr. Coconuts.

"What about throwing some water onto him," asked Luan.

"My pipes were frozen," said Mr. Coconuts.

Everyone laughed for the fifth time.

"So how'd you put him out," asked Luan.

"I jumped up and down on him," said Mr. Coconuts.

Laughter came from the crowd for the sixth time.

"Yeah, I added a new step to that list," said Mr. Coconuts.

"What list," asked Luan.

"Stop, Drop, Roll, then Quit Rolling Around So I Can Use You As A Trampoline," said Mr. Coconuts.

As you might've guessed, everyone laughed.

"Was anything else going on during all this," asked Luan.

"Yup," said Mr. Coconuts, "Colonel Crackers was singing 🎶  On the first day of Christmas, Santa was on fire...and Coconuts was-a jumpin' on his head! On the second day of Christmas, Santa said to me "Mmmmmmmmmmf!"🎶". See? It's because Santa's face was wrapped up in gauze."

Everyone laughed yet agin for the eighth time.

"Mr. Coconuts, this is terrible," said Luan.

"Well, it seemed like it at the time," said Mr. Coconuts, "We laughed until we were in tears about it."

"Was there anything going on outside that night," asked Luan.

"Outside," asked Mr. Coconuts, "Yeah, my next-door neighbor tried shooting at Santa's reindeer."

"Seriously," asked Luan.

"Yup," said Mr. Coconuts, "It's not too often you see eight bucks on your roof!"

Everyone laughed for the tenth time.

"I was put on the Naughty list for a month," said Mr. Coconuts.

"Did you write more," asked Luan.

"Yup," said Mr. Coconuts before reading his letter again, "Also, Santa, sorry, but I ate the cookies we left for you because I was really hungry, and in their place we're leaving you a Nutri-Grain bar. The End! Signed, Mr. Coconuts."

Everyone laughed and clapped as Luan and Mr. Coconuts left the stage.